Well, dear reader, it was only a matter of time. A matter of time until the Wolf Marine’s rants would be recorded for posterity. So, now (and we will see how the response goes), the first available Wolf Marine podcast (and theme song) are available for your enjoyment. This should be available on iTunes soon [...]
Dear Wolf Marine,
I’ve recently developed some telekinetic abilities (which are pretty damn sweet) that include the ability to levitate cars and other fairly large objects. I’d like to know what kind of energy I’m expending when I’m doing this. Like if I bench press one hundred pounds I burn calories to do so, so how [...]
Dear Wolf Marine,
There is this girl, I see her on the bus everyday and I finally decided to ask her out… she wears pleated wool skirts and argyle socks and her smile is just the sort of thing that makes you feel better for witnessing it: simply amazing. But, I am new to dating and [...]
Dear Wolf Marine,
I love my job, but they gave me a very un-hip golf shirt (modern, teched out, etc) as a present… I don’t want to say “no”, because I really do have the greatest job in the world, what can I do?
Signed,
I-would-have-liked-a-hoody
This guy, this guy… like you always so hip. Whatever, whatever. The Wolf [...]
Dearest Mr Wolf Marine,
I pray that the day finds you well and that Gaia has blessed you with the most heavenly rays of morning. My name is Clarence Gladsley and I am quite the oenophile. To that end, I have a bit of a poseur for you. I recently purchased a fine bottle of Granacha [...]
Dear Wolf Marine,
My buddy is pissed I don’t seem to have as much time for him with my new girl, who he says is “one crazy chick”. I still gots mad love for my homies, but you know how it is. Am I being a bad friend, what can I say to him?
Signed,
Puppies-4-Eva
The Wolf Marine [...]
Dear Wolf Marine,
I am a big fan. My daddy died last year and I don’t have lots of friends. The boys at school are mean to me. I saw you taking some lady’s sandwich back at Red Robin when they put mayonnaise on it and wouldn’t fix it. I drew a picture in my notebook. [...]
Dear Wolf Marine,
Yo man, I have an English question for you. How is it that people always fuck up words like “your, you’re” and “there, their, they’re”? I got a sandwich just the other day and the sticker said “your special” under a smiley face… does that mean it’s “my special” or did they mean [...]
Dear Wolf Marine,
How is it that the public school system gets away with passing kids that get F’s, and what would you do if you were the principal?
School Sissie
When the Wolf Marine learned to read and write, he did it on his own… and he didn’t start with no easy english books, he fucking read [...]
Dear Wolf Marine,
I’ve got a math problem that I can’t solve and my dad says if I don’t figure it out, he’s going to sell my collection of vintage Barbie dolls… I think he secretly hates me because I’m gay. Please help!
Sincerely,
Johnny-in-the-closet
Johnny, did you ever hear about the time the Wolf Marine went to Hanover? [...]