Wolf Marine

Wolf Marine http://www.properfresh.com/blog Life sucks? Live forever by listening to the words of the Wolf Marine. Sun, 01 Apr 2012 22:24:45 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.3 The Wolf Marine has been around for some time and his sage advice has helped billions to revitalize, reorganize, and re... uh... realize their dreams or lives. Whatever. Wolf Marine! Life sucks? Live forever by listening to the words of the Wolf Marine. ezweave http://www.properfresh.com/img/wolf_marine_1.pngWolf Marinehttp://www.properfresh.com/blog wolf marine, proper fresh, ezweave yes Matt Weaver ezweave@gmail.com In Defense of Noise http://www.properfresh.com/blog/?p=2963 http://www.properfresh.com/blog/?p=2963#comments Sun, 10 Jul 2011 20:16:34 +0000 ez http://www.properfresh.com/blog/?p=2963 http://www.properfresh.com/blog/?feed=rss2&p=2963 0 <blockquote>I don’t give two splats of an old negro junkie’s vomit for your politico-philosophical treatises, kiddies. I like noise. I like big-ass vicious noise that makes my head spin. I wanna feel it whipping through me like a fucking jolt. We’re so dilapidated and crushed by our pathetic existence we need it like a fix. – Steve Albini, Forced Exposure 1986</blockquote> It was May 29th 1913, at the Théâtre des Champs-Élysées, a Thursday (just like Arthur Dent, I could never get the hang of Thursdays), and around about three minutes into the premiere of Igor Stravinsky’s “The Rite of Spring” (specifically around scene 2 of the first part, “The Augurs of Spring”) a riot broke out. Well, they say a riot broke out. Revisionism being what it is, we won’t really know what happened, but the story states that the music was so violent and dissonant that the mere sound of it drew the crowd to anger. It’s hard to imagine Parisians in three button frock coats resorting to football hooligan like shenanigans (“Liverpool or nothing, you wankers!”), besides which they didn’t have an ample supply of Carlsberg or working class street punk anthems blaring in their ears. This all sounds like bullshit, the persistent rumor about the affair between Coco Chanel and Igor is much more plausible . (And sexy, proving once again that T&A will always defeat reason… I mean think about it, “penis in vagina” vs classical music. Come on now, even if you’re gay seminal/vaginal fluid exchange is much more interesting than art or history.) <div id="attachment_2977" class="wp-caption alignright" style="width: 310px"><a href="http://www.properfresh.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Screen-shot-2011-07-10-at-1.48.13-PM.png"><img class="size-medium wp-image-2977" title="champs" src="http://www.properfresh.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Screen-shot-2011-07-10-at-1.48.13-PM-300x285.png" alt="" width="300" height="285" /></a>My dear, this music makes me want to punch you in the breasts and shit on the stage.</div> Unlike the Parisians of 1913, artful dissonance is something I appreciate and like Mr Albini (golly, I sure hope this helps my street cred) I too have a wanton need for noise. Not just any noise, but… well… let me explain. The transition from being an adolescent to being an adult, at least for me, could be re-enacted via a series of awkward conversations with my father. (This, dear reader is something I can in fact just “tell you” in editorial, but would have to “earn” in the context of a story. Show, don’t tell and all that.) There was the awkward sex talk when I was almost fourteen (I was still left with questions that were not sufficiently answered by my bootleg copies of Wicked City and Urotsukid?ji 2… thank you Japanese tentacle rape). There was the conversation when I was seventeen after he intercepted me on my way from school to my fast food job and drove me to take a drug test (an anonymous “tipster” had called his office and informed him of his son’s mounting “drug addiction”… Jesus surely afforded that noble soul with restful nights as a reward for thwarting me from marajuana and the occasional psilocybin mushroom). There was the conversation where he asked me if I was a homosexual (this was in 2005 and, perhaps, it was due to my own cousin’s coming out as a lesbian around the same time, a move that shook my father’s intellectual, but ultimately conservative and southern, southern, southern, brothers to the core). There was the other conversation where I had to promise I would never get any more tattoos (a promise I broke and was [...] I don’t give two splats of an old negro junkie’s vomit for your politico-philosophical treatises, kiddies. I like noise. I like big-ass vicious noise that makes my head spin. I wanna feel it whipping through me like a fucking jolt. We’re so [...] Ask Wolf Marine http://www.properfresh.com/blog/?p=2314 http://www.properfresh.com/blog/?p=2314#comments Fri, 11 Dec 2009 04:28:44 +0000 ez http://www.properfresh.com/blog/?p=2314 http://www.properfresh.com/blog/?feed=rss2&p=2314 0 Dear Senor Wolf Marine, Where the hell were you born?Â Are you asexual?Â Do you have a mother? Signed, Ron PS If I’m right, I get tickets to a Cubs game and a Sports Illustrated Football phone. <div id="attachment_2316" class="wp-caption alignright" style="width: 182px"><a rel="attachment wp-att-2316" href="http://www.properfresh.com/blog/?attachment_id=2316"><img class="size-medium wp-image-2316" title="Yuck" src="http://www.properfresh.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/picture-12-172x300.png" alt="Saturn, eating kids and shit. Yuck. But Goya, what the fuck, he don't even look like no god I know. Shit." width="172" height="300" /></a>Saturn, eating kids and shit. Yuck. But Goya, what the fuck, he don't even look like no god I know. Shit.</div> There was this time when the Wolf Marine wrestled with Saturn.Â True fucking story.Â Saturn, as you may remember from the works of the masters… (that Spanish fuck Goya, for example) that Saturn was afraid one of his kids would like kill him and shits.Â Yeah, so the story goes that the Wolf Marine gets fucking wind of this shit and is like, “Okay Saturn what you gonna do?”Â The Wolf Marine says he walks up to fucking Saturn and Saturn was fucking eating a baby, no fucking joke, it was fucking nasty.Â That son of a bitch.Â So the Wolf Marine is fucking pissed as hell and fucking tells Saturn that his days of muching shit like that is over.Â Fucking Wolf Marine rips his fucking jawbone off, like fucking Samson killing fucking Philistines with the jawbone of an ass and shit the Wolf Marine then beats Saturn with his own fucking jaw.Â No joke.Â Saturn survives, gets his jaw fucking wired back like he some Dennis Byrd (former defensive end for the fucking Jets, hallowed be thy names) and retires to Whippany.Â What was you asking bout Ron, oh yeah… where did the Wolf Marine come from?Â Don’t fucking matter, he been here forever.Â He was kicking it with JC and wearing Cazal 607s before anyone else.Â He’s old school. Dear Wolf Marine, There are a group of kids at my high school who always snicker at me.Â Their parents are rich and they are into art and they get to go to all the cool shows and have cool clothes and such.Â I’m tired of being left out, but every time I try to show up at a club or something I get laughed at.Â What should I do? Signed, Alex Chilton <div id="attachment_2315" class="wp-caption alignleft" style="width: 273px"><a rel="attachment wp-att-2315" href="http://www.properfresh.com/blog/?attachment_id=2315"><img class="size-medium wp-image-2315" title="Sure" src="http://www.properfresh.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/picture-13-263x300.png" alt="Yeah, like Andy would have found Basquiat on his own. Whatever." width="263" height="300" /></a>Yeah, like Andy would have found Basquiat on his own. Whatever.</div> The Wolf Marine always says this one thing, whenever you can get him talking about deep shits(hint: get him some of that fucking Yuengling from Philly) and it’s really the only fucking time you hear him open up like this.Â Rich people are cunts.Â They don’t know, [...] Dear Senor Wolf Marine, Where the hell were you born?Â Are you asexual?Â Do you have a mother? Signed, Ron PS If I’m right, I get tickets to a Cubs game and a Sports Illustrated Football phone. There was this time when the Wolf Marine [...] ezweave Ask Wolf Marine http://www.properfresh.com/blog/?p=2207 http://www.properfresh.com/blog/?p=2207#comments Wed, 02 Dec 2009 16:56:06 +0000 ez http://www.properfresh.com/blog/?p=2207 http://www.properfresh.com/blog/?feed=rss2&p=2207 0 <div id="attachment_2219" class="wp-caption alignright" style="width: 290px"><a rel="attachment wp-att-2219" href="http://www.properfresh.com/blog/?attachment_id=2219"><img class="size-medium wp-image-2219" title="dogs" src="http://www.properfresh.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/picture-42-280x300.png" alt="The Wolf Marine knows that there is no dog hell, cept maybe if you're Goebbel's dog or something. They killed him testing cyanide for Hitler. Shit." width="280" height="300" /></a>The Wolf Marine knows that there is no dog hell, cept maybe if you're Goebbel's dog or something. They killed him testing cyanide for Hitler. Shit.</div> Well, dear reader, it was only a matter of time.Â A matter of time until the Wolf Marine’s rants would be recorded for posterity.Â So, now (and we will see how the response goes), the first available Wolf Marine podcast (and theme song) are available for your enjoyment.Â This should be available on iTunes soon (pending approval). Right click or Apple + Click to save.Â Or use the player at the top of the page. <a rel="attachment wp-att-2220" href="http://www.properfresh.com/blog/?attachment_id=2220">The Wolf Marine Podcast</a> <a rel="attachment wp-att-2221" href="http://www.properfresh.com/blog/?attachment_id=2221">The Wolf Marine Theme Song</a> Dear Mr Wolf Marine, My doggie just died and I’m very sad.Â My uncle said that since there was no god, there is no dog heaven and my doggie is just no more.Â He’s in the ground and he is now food for worms.Â I know you said you don’t know if there is a god, do you know if there is a doggie heaven? Thank you, Tommy The Wolf Marine can’t say there is or is not a human heaven.Â Seems like it would be pretty fucking ridiculous… especially as Harry fucking Carey died and the Cubs ain’t win no World Series.Â Shit, that seems pretty fucked up, but the Wolf Marine remembers lots of fucked up shit.Â Like the Berlin Wall and Pol Pot and shits.Â But dog heaven?Â Fuck, the Wolf Marine would swear on fucking Joe Namath’s sacred sideburns that there is a dog heaven.Â Shit you think dogs gonna die and be nothing?Â Fuck no, there is a dog heaven where dogs get like dog margaritas and lay out on the beach and play poker and shit.Â It’s like in the law code of Hammurabi.Â And this guy, your fucking uncle, tell him to watch his ass cause the next time he hears a howl, it’ll be either that someone broke J Mascis fingers (and fuck you, cause that would be a crime against humanity, fucking “The Lung” and shit) or the Wolf Marine is about to rip his fucking skull out.Â What the fuck is wrong with you?Â You reading too many Sarah Palin books, “Going Rouge”?Â Have a fucking heart. Dear, dear Wolf Marine, It has been some time since I entertained guests… I’m something of a hermit, you see and my work… well, my work keeps me far from prying eyes (for the most part).Â As a [...] Well, dear reader, it was only a matter of time.Â A matter of time until the Wolf Marine’s rants would be recorded for posterity.Â So, now (and we will see how the response goes), the first available Wolf Marine podcast (and theme song) are [...]