Archive for August, 2009

Protected: Chapter 3

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Ask Wolf Marine

Dear Wolf Marine,
How is it that the public school system gets away with passing kids that get F’s, and what would you do if you were the principal?
School Sissie
When the Wolf Marine learned to read and write, he did it on his own… and he didn’t start with no easy english books, he fucking read [...]

Protected: Chapter 2

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

The Parable of Finished

For Danyel †
Finished wasn’t done.
She woke up and started her day in the normal way, in line at Starbucks, a grande mocha capuccino, no foam, half soy and half skim put together by the same idiots that can’t get the foam right.  “No foam, you retard, no foam!  What is this, the special ed, short [...]

Ask Wolf Marine

Dear Wolf Marine,
I’ve got a math problem that I can’t solve and my dad says if I don’t figure it out, he’s going to sell my collection of vintage Barbie dolls… I think he secretly hates me because I’m gay.  Please help!
Sincerely,
Johnny-in-the-closet
Johnny, did you ever hear about the time the Wolf Marine went to Hanover?  [...]

The New Tenant

Chapter 1: It has to start somewhere
WANTED: roommate.  Clean.  Teachable.  No firearm experience necessary, but if you posses your own machete a plus.  Ability to carry three stone of equipment during long treks required.  Direct all post to 5050 Archer Lane c/o The Mercy Arms.
The coffee is black and an acrid, slightly burnt taste [...]

Ask Wolf Marine

Hey Wolf Marine,
I gots this problem wif a girl, I think I love her but she won’t return my phone calls.  I brought her a Big Mac with extra pickles, just the way she likes it and she told me to “respect the restraining order”.  What should I do?
Confused about the legalities of fast food.
Did [...]